


Of Folklore, Comparative Literature, and The Good Old Days

by scorchedpeter



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Could this be classified as a Music AU?, Crack Treated Seriously, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erica is a bad friend, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Humor, Good Peter, Good Peter Hale, Humor, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Malia Tate is not Peter Hale's Daughter, Malia Tate is not a Hale, Multi, POV Alternating, Peter is a Little Shit, Professor Peter Hale, Professor Stiles Stilinski, Reduced age difference, Scott McCall is a Hale, Sheriff Stilinski is a Good Parent, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is Noah, Stiles Stilinski is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:30:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorchedpeter/pseuds/scorchedpeter
Summary: He dropped the highlighter in his hand, fumbled his phone free of the pocket of his slacks, and almost cursed out loud at the number of Facebook notifications he had. They kept steadily climbing as Stiles shakily unlocked his phone to confirm what he had a feeling had happened. And yep, Erica had posted a suspiciously innocent and sweet comment on his wall about an hour ago, "Oh! Memories of the good old days when you still knew how to have fun. Can't wait to see you andLydia Martinwhen you come home for Christmas, Batman!"She had included a link and Stiles couldn’t help but hold his breath as he clicked it. He was redirected to the YouTube app and the second that the video loaded, Stiles felt his shoulders sag in defeat, because he had always made it a point to accept friend requests from his students. Obviously, he would now have to rethink that policy because every one of them could see the video.Every one of them now had the link to the old YouTube channel.Fuck





	1. my anaconda don't

**Author's Note:**

> Started out as a crack one-shot but then it got away from me and now I have several chapters planned and a bit of a plot has slipped in there somewhere as well. I'm sorry.
> 
> Also, I'm the only one who has read this over and edited it so any mistakes or grammatically incorrect sentences are my own damn fault.
> 
> I have chapter two completely planned, and might start writing it tomorrow after I get back from having my teeth drilled for 2 hours. No promises though.

It was one minute to 9 when Stiles walked quickly into the lecture hall and the majority of his students were already seated and chatting among themselves, it's the first time in years that he's almost late to his own class. It was Peter's fault, he refused to accept the blame for the tardiness because his husband had gotten handsy while Stiles was trying to tie his tie that morning.

When Peter had dropped to his knees in the middle of their bedroom, was he just supposed to turn down the offered blow job? No, especially not when the one blowing him made for such a hot sight in his button up, vest, and glasses.

Stiles just barely managed to avoid walking into the corner of the table at the front of the room and had to shake his head, trying to temporarily rid his mind of the image of Peter's flushed cheeks, spit covered lips, how he had looked up at him with those heated blue eyes-

_Nope, bad brain. Stop it._

After he set his coffee cup on the table and pulled his lesson plan from his briefcase, Stiles turned to his students and cleared his throat.

"Alright, good morning. Today's lecture is something I know all of you are excited for-" He ignored several snorts of disbelief, the buzzing of notifications on his phone and continued speaking- "and I hope at least some of you actually did the reading last night, because it's time to talk about the rise of modern paganism."

* * *

Stiles called for a break halfway into his 2 hour lecture due to that fact that several of his students looked about ready to fall asleep and even he knew when everyone had enough of listening to him ramble. As expected, most of them immediately pulled out their phones to screw around on the internet or make weekend plans. He ignored the buzzing of his own phone in favour of going over his lesson plan to make sure he had enough time to cover all the points he had originally intended to make.

He was in the middle of highlighting some of the more important ideas when someone in the middle of the room started choking on a laugh. Stiles looked up and found the culprit relatively quick; a normally quiet student named Bobby had their hand over their mouth to muffle the chuckles and stared down at their phone. Once Bobby waved away Stiles' concern, he shrugged and went back to his thorough highlighting, all the while wishing he could convince Peter to ditch his own lesson and bring him coffee from the shop across campus.

Suddenly more laughter and whispers broke out throughout the room and again he lifted his gaze from the binder in front of him. Every person who had broken the stillness of the room was either looking at their phone or a laptop screen, and Stiles could hear music coming from several headphone-less devices.

Assuming it was nothing more than an amusing video, he dropped his eyes to the pages in front of him and listened halfheartedly to the tinny voices dramatically singing about butts.

 _"Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Look at her butt (look at her butt)_

 _This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles_  
_It's bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's_  
_Real country anaconda, let me play with this rifles_  
_Cookie put his butt to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil_  
_Now that bang bang bang_  
_I let him hit it 'cause he hang hang hang..._  
_All in the salad like his name Romaine_  
_And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain_  
_I'm on some dumb shit"_

He recognized it as one of the songs that had been popular back in his twenties, though, for some reason Stiles had a hard time remembering the name. It was irritating, he knew the song, so why couldn't he place the singers? Their voices made something in the back of his mind itch, the familiarity of them was a little unsettling.

Some of the less subtle whispers caught his attention and things slowly started to click in his brain.

"Oh my God, is that actually Professor Stilinski-Hale? He's so young!"

"Holy shit, he's rapping!"

"Damn, I didn't know he could move like that."

 _"By the way, what he say?_  
_He can tell I ain't missing no meals_  
_Come through and check 'em in my automobile_  
_Let him eat it with his grills_  
_He keep telling me to chill_  
_He keep telling me it's real, that he love my sex appeal_  
_Because he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab_  
_So I pulled up in the Jag, Mayweather with the jab like..._  
_Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun"_

 _Wait._ That was his own voice, younger, but definitely his. The other two sounded suspiciously like Lydia and Erica.

Then it clued in.

Anaconda. Nicki Minaj. Karaoke night.

_Oh. Oh God_

He dropped the highlighter in his hand, fumbled his phone free of the pocket of his slacks, and almost cursed out loud at the number of Facebook notifications he had. They kept steadily climbing as Stiles shakily unlocked his phone to confirm what he had a feeling had happened. And yep, Erica had posted a suspiciously innocent and sweet comment on his wall about an hour ago, "Oh! Memories of the good old days when you still knew how to have fun. Can't wait to see you and Lydia Martin when you come home for Christmas, Batman!"

She had included a link and Stiles couldn’t help but hold his breath as he clicked it. He was redirected to the YouTube app and the second that the video loaded, Stiles felt his shoulders sag in defeat, because he had always made it a point to accept friend requests from his students. Obviously, he would now have to rethink that policy because every one of them could see the video.

Every one of them now had the link to the old YouTube channel.

_Fuck_

He needed to find Peter immediately, keep him from possibly trying to murder one of his best friends for something as idiotic as showing the majority of their shared students a YouTube channel that hadn't been active at all in the past 10 years.

After he locked his phone and slid it back into his pocket, Stiles quickly started shoving the papers and binder on his desk back into the soft, dark leather briefcase that Peter had given to him on his 30th birthday.

"I have to go, class dismissed. I'll collect your papers on the melding of Christian and pagan views of witchcraft and magic in the European Middle Ages tomorrow. Have a good day." He called out as his swung his bag back over his shoulder.

He bolted from the room, made his way as quickly as possible down the stairs from the second floor, out of building 90, across the main quad, through one of the open corridors, and into Pigott Hall where he knew Peter was currently making his own students cry about not understanding the transnational context of Nabokov. After he nearly knocked several people over on his way there, Stiles slowed his pace a tad too late to avoid colliding full force with the closed door of the large classroom just inside the entrance of the building.

The loud bang that echoed through the hall as his body slammed into the sturdy wood door effectively stopped all talking from within the classroom and he could just barely hear that damn video playing.

 _"Don't don't don't, my Anaconda don't..._  
_Don't want none unless you got buns hun_  
_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Oh my gosh, look at her butt_  
_Yeah, he love this fat ass_  
_Yeah! This one is for my bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club_  
_I said, "Where my fat ass big bitches in the club?"_  
_Fuck the skinny bitches_  
_Fuck the skinny bitches in the club_  
_I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club, fuck you if you_  
_skinny bitches. What? Yeah!_  
_Yea. I got a big fat ass. Come on!"_

Stiles ripped the door open just in time to catch the end of the video playing on a large projector screen that had been placed at the front of Peter's classroom, and sure enough there were the younger versions of Lydia, Erica and himself in a line, shaking their hips before swatting their hands in front of them in a pantomime of smacking an ass. He felt a twitch start in his eye as he locked a glare on his husband, who was lounging against the wall and didn't even remotely look apologetic for enabling the students.

Peter had a smirk on his face and twitched an eyebrow up at Stiles, a mischievous look in his eye. Stiles could practically hear the smug bastards voice in his head asking him ' _what are you gonna do about it.'_

_Traitor._

He very much wanted to wipe that damn expression off his husbands face.

_Well, two can play at that game._

"Hey, Pete, since I see that all of you are enjoying my musical talents so much, why don't we show yours off too, huh?" His voice was overly sweet as he addressed the man across the room from him.

Stiles tried to keep his expression as innocent as possible when Peter snorted and extended a hand toward the laptop currently connected to the overhead projector. 

"Go ahead, Dear. I know for a fact that I have an excellent singing voice." Peter had always been a bit of a narcissist, and that was something Stiles had been counting on, it made it a hell of a lot easier to catch the older man off guard.  

He managed to hide his sharp laugh with a cough as he walked up to the laptop and cleared the previously entered text from the YouTube search bar. It was extremely satisfying to see the words 'The Wolf Pack - All the anacondas want some' disappear from the screen.

"Well, which one should we pick? There are so many good ones." Stiles called out to his husband, of course he already knew exactly what video he wanted to show Peter's students.

"Personally, I think that song by The Black Keys is one of my best performances. Why not play that?" Peter's voices had a certain lilt to it and he could tell that he really thought that Stiles was giving him a choice on which video was displayed in front of the young adults in the room.

"You know what, as good as that one is, I think I have a better one." Stiles looked over to Peter as he said this, smirked, turned back to the screen and began typing.

'The Wolf Pack - How to tell your boyfriend how you really feel and embarrass yourself at the same time'

He tried not to laugh outright at the slow look of horror that slid onto Peter's face when he looked back at him after hitting enter.

Stiles moved the cursor over the desired video and clicked on it just as the older man called out an aborted "Stiles, don't-"

The video started playing and a clearly intoxicated young Peter Hale swaggered onto the stage of the only karaoke bar in Beacon Hills, grabbed the mic, and began singing with a surprisingly serious expression.

 _"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me_  
_I still feel your touch in my dreams"_


	2. your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's shocked that I got this out so quickly? I definitely am. 
> 
> Alternating POV in this chapter, also I changed the age difference between Peter and Stiles to about 5 years and pretty much every teenager has been aged up to be about the same age as Derek now.

_There was staggered applause from the audience in one of the private rooms of Blue Moon Karaoke as Peter swaggered onto the stage, his cheeks were flushed with effects of the four fingers of whiskey he had downed the hour before. The young man was obviously on a mission to serenade someone as he proceeded to grab the mic, point to a person in the audience, and began singing with a surprisingly serious expression._

  _"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me_  
_I still feel your touch in my dreams"_

_The screen cut to a secondary clip, obviously taken with a phone, of Stiles as he gazed at Peter with an awestruck expression. He was clearly as intoxicated as the older man singing at him._

_"Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why_  
_Without you it's hard to survive"_

_Suddenly Peter was back front and center, belting out a long note. When the beat picked up, he began bouncing from side-to-side._

_'"Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling_  
_And every time we kiss I swear I could fly_  
_Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last_  
_Need you by my side"_

_Peter wrapped one arm around himself and started moving faster, adding in a move that oddly resembled as chicken pecking at the air._

_'"Cause every time we touch, I feel the static_  
_And every time we kiss I reach for the sky_  
_Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go_  
_Want you in my life"_

_Again, the young man pointed into the crowd before he dragged his hand to his chest and stopped singing. He popped his hips as rhythmically as possible in his intoxicated state and another clip of Stiles replaced Peter's figure. His face had a slight flush to it and his eyes were glued to where his boyfriend was currently shaking his groove thang. The music sped up again and the shot was switched back to Peter, who was now thrusting his hips hard with the beat._

_Shockingly, he managed to keep a steady pace until the synthetic tune faded and he could return to his soulful singing._

_"Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky_  
_They wipe away tears that I cry"_

_Peter dragged a hand down his cheek dramatically, miming the act of wiping away tears from under his burning gaze. The chicken head bob came back full force suddenly, along with a twitching of his chest from left to right._

_"The good and the bad times we've been through them all_  
_You make me rise when I fall"_

_A hand was flung up to point at the ceiling and Peter brought it slowly back down so that he could aim at the floor this time, his dramatics were coming in hard and fast._

_'"Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling._  
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.  
Need you by my side."

_This time, when the music changed pace, he started bouncing slightly in place until it picked right back up and he was back to thrusting his pelvis in front of all his friends._

_"'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static.  
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky."_

_Peter hopped off the stage and made his way toward his boyfriend, head still bobbing forward sharply-_

The video was cut off abruptly when Peter pulled out the cable that connected the laptop the the projector, he then quickly snapped the computer closed and turned a glare on his laughing partner. There wasn't much heat behind the expression because seeing Stiles laugh like that, head thrown back and an arm wrapped around his stomach, made something in his chest _melt._

Peter can't help but snort as Stiles turned toward his students and fucking _bowed_ when they started clapping. He let himself briefly debate on whether or not to dock a few percentages from their grades for enjoying his suffering, but ultimately concludes that it's his own fault for being an ass.

He watched with amusement as Stiles made his way back to the door while flipping him the bird over his shoulder.

"We'll talk back at home, Pete. In the mean time, I'll let Erica know that you probably won't kill her for exposing the old channel." There was barely contained laughter in Stiles' voice.

Peter huffed, shook his head, and dismissed his class. He didn't pull his gaze away from Stiles until there were too many students between them to see properly.

 

 

* * *

They don't actually talk about it until late that night, both of them tired from a day where they had barely done anything but dodge questions about the various videos on the YouTube channel.

Stiles carefully navigated himself up the stairs of their little house near campus, doing his damnedest not to spill the tea he had painstakingly brewed to perfection for Peter. He had made it just how the man liked it; strong, no sugar, with a splash of milk. It was a band-aid solution for what he had done earlier, but maybe it would placate his husband enough that he could get out an honest-to-God apology.

He walked into their bedroom to find Peter already in bed, reading a slightly worn copy of Vladimir Nabokov's Pale Fire. Stiles couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as he made his way to his husband's side of the bed, the familiarity of the situation was doing a lot to calm his anxiety about the whole thing.

Stiles offered one of the mugs to Peter when the man looked up from his book and was thankful to see genuine affection in his blue eyes. After Peter took the tea from him, he sat down on the edge of the bed beside Peter's legs and took a sip of his own drink- hot chocolate.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to look at his husband and forced out the words that threatened to stick on his tongue. He had never been very good at apologies.

"You know I love you, right?" Stiles' voice sounded like he had been strangled, so he cleared his throat and waited for Peter to respond.

"Of course I do, just like you know that I love you." Peter looked and sounded a little wary as to where the conversation was headed when he responded, so Stiles continued on as quickly as he could and just cut straight to the chase.

"I want to apologize for earlier, I shouldn't have tried to embarrass you in front of the students like that. It was a real dick move on my part, and well- dammit- I'm just sorry, okay?" There were tears of frustration building in Stiles' eyes, he couldn't give Peter the proper apology he deserved, so he looked down at the mug that his hands were clenched around. 

The sound of a cup being put down almost made him look up. _Almost_.

"Stiles, thank you for apologizing. I'm sorry as well, I really shouldn't have enabled those s _avages_ -" Stiles snorted at the tinge of affection in Peter's voice when talking about the students- "Just to make up for the fact that I'm _slightly_ unfair to them most days." 

He choked out a wet laugh at the understatement and finally looked up. When Peter caught sight of the tears, he immediately moved forward so that he could cradle Stiles' face gently in his hands.

"Oh, baby don't cry. I don't care that much about people seeing that stupid video, not when it was me showing you how much I love you, and especially not when I made that song my bitch." Peter's voice was soft as he brushed away the tears that had finally fallen.

Stiles nodded and took a breath, he could really only find it within himself to agree with that last statement.

"You really did make it your bitch." His own voice was rough, quiet.

Peter gently pried his hands from around the quickly cooling mug of hot chocolate and put it next to his cup of tea on the nightstand. After the drinks were somewhere they couldn't be spilled, his husband gathered him into his arms and carefully pulled them both down to lay on the bed. Stiles shifted until he could get comfortable with his head cushioned on Peters chest and an arm curled over his waist.

They laid like that for a few minutes and just when Stiles started to drift off, both of their phones began to buzz with notifications.

Stiles grunted and flapped a hand toward his own side of the bed where his phone was currently plugged into the charger.

"Whoever it is can wait until the morning Stiles, get some sleep." The soft gruffness of Peter's voice made him stop his flailing, snuggle closer, and relax his body.

He really was tired, and Peter was right. His phone could wait until morning.

The last thing he registered before he finally dropped off into sleep was the sound of Peter clicking off the light.

 

* * *

_From: **Catwoman**_

_**stiles omg check the yt chnl** _

_**srsly** _

_**batman weve gon viral** _

_**evry1 is sharing tht anaconda vid** _

_**stiles** _

_**stiles r u slping??** _

_**its 10pm get tf up** _

_**STIIILLLESSS** _

* * *

_From:_ **_Vernon the Stoic_**

**_Peter, don't murder my wife._ **

**_There is no way she could have known that your students would spread that video around like this._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if this sucks. I'm in a lot of pain after having some guy stab my cheek with a needle four times, shove his hand around in my mouth for 2 hours, and drill chunks out of my teeth. I'm tired as well, being over an hour past the time I normally go to sleep, so I'll most likely try to fix any major mistakes tomorrow.
> 
> Fun fact: the dance moves described are my own. That is how I dance when Every Time We Touch is played.
> 
> Comments are what sustain my muse, so leave one if you would like.
> 
> UPDATE: Chapter three is completely planned out, and I'll try and get it up by tomorrow night at the latest. Also, it get's a little emotion between a certain unholy trinity.


	3. the unholy trinity: part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out, I'm still trying to get past the sensitivity from my fillings and pain is not conducive to productivity. To make up for that, I made it longer than normal and broke it down. I should be able to post them back to back. Forgive me kids.
> 
> As always, if this sucks it's my own damn fault because I have this habit of writing in the middle of the night when I'm tired as hell. It's currently past 2 am and I want to sleep. I'll fix any major errors in the morning.
> 
> This chapter is broken down into three parts and gets kind of emotional, but not in a good way. You've been warned.

 "UPROXX, Elite Daily, Diply, ViralNova, Distractify, Bored Panda, and BuzzFeed. Fucking sharks." Stiles muttered angrily as he deleted the inquiries clogging up his work email.

As far as he knew, he was the only one who had woken up to several emails asking for permission to use the video on their sites. Peter had gotten several of his own, but those were more along the lines of trying to open up lines of communication with Stiles. _Assholes._

He had watched as the older man responded to one of them, a set to his mouth that indicated he was pissed at having an account that he normally reserved for answering questions from his students infiltrated by content hungry dickbags. The thinly veiled threats that Peter had most likely sent were eagerly met with the answer as to how in the hell their emails had been found by the public in the first place.

It was quite simple, actually.

Stanford had them listed on the website for the convenience of students.

_Of course._

Requesting to get have their email addresses removed wasn't exactly easy, especially when the Board of Deans required a petition be made to the head of their department and valid reason given. Both Stiles and Peter had hoped to keep the whole situation as quiet as possible, but apparently the cards were stacked against them.

Peter had looked vaguely constipated as he called to make an appointment with their superiors.

* * *

Stiles couldn't help but feel like he was back in his first years of higher education as he sat across from the Dean of Humanities and Sciences and tried his best not to fidget like he had been caught committing some serious offense. Because he hadn't, not this time at least.

Claudette Larkin was a strict woman who cut an imposing figure as she eyed Peter and himself from behind her large oak desk, and Stiles was absolutely terrified of her. He was pretty sure that she got off on the fact that everyone who worked at Stanford had an ever present, underlying fear of being called into her office. He and Peter had once had a serious conversation about the possibility of her having some sort of power play kink, they came to the agreement that it was very likely.

Stiles barely managed to avoid flinching when Dean Larkin cleared her throat. _Dammit, Stiles. Focus!_

"Why are the two of you always darkening my doorstep? It's only been two weeks since the last time you dragged yourselves in here to get ahead of whatever mess you've made." Her voice was like ice and he fought back a shiver before opening his mouth to speak.

Thankfully, whatever snarky thing that had been about to come out of his mouth without permission from his brain was cut off by Dean Larkin talking over him.

"What was it this time? Public indecency, property damage, or a traumatized student? If it's a combination of all three, I'm going to have to report you to the disciplinary committee." She sounded tired, and Stiles couldn't blame her in the slightest. At the start of the semester, they had caused a  _minor_ case of property damage when things had gotten a little.. Rough while they were  in Peter's office and ended up cracking one of the supports for his desk.

The desk hadn't fallen apart or anything, but it was a little unstable after that.

"Shockingly, this is something completely different." Peter sounded like he was barely containing his amusement and when Stiles looked over, he caught the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. He was married to an ass.

After shooting a look at Peter, Stiles joined in on the conversation.

"We wanted to request that our email addresses be removed from the website. An old YouTube video from about 12 years ago suddenly went viral and since our full names were stated in the description, several online news outlets have tracked those down and are hounding us for permission to use the video. Normally, I'd be all for that but-" Stiles couldn't stop his mouth as it ran away from him, and he would have continued talking if Dean Larkin hadn't raised a hand to silence him.

"Dear Lord, stop. Just stop talking," she rubbed at her temple, as if just being around the two of them gave her a headache, which was  _rude._ Stiles sniffed in offense, but let her continue.

"I'll have to review the video myself before we go further, because if it paints a negative picture of you two it'll reflect badly on the school. Send me the link via email by the end of the day and I'll let you know if this will warrant more than just removing your contact information from the website." Dean Larkin sounded tired again.

"Well, actually, Peter isn't _in_ that video. Just myself and two friends, but those di-" he quickly cut off the curse, " _jerks_  are trying to get to me by harassing Peter." Stiles said, his voice was quiet and _dammit_ , almost meek. He really was scared of her.

She sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"All right, I'll review the video and determine if _your_ behavior is acceptable Stiles. Now please, stop reminding me of why I dislike my job and get out of my office." She spoke without opening her eyes and shooed them with a wave of her unoccupied hand.

They left without saying anything more. At least that had gone better than last time.

* * *

Due to the new found popularity of the old YouTube channel, Peter had to implement a no cell phone policy that extended through his lessons and into breaks. He couldn't ban laptops as well, seeing as so many students used them for note taking, but at least the spread of that damn video had decreased slightly during class hours.

After he had dismissed his first lecture of the day, Peter caught a few excited whispers from two of his more unenthusiastic students.

"Did you see that one video from The Wolf Pack that I shared to Facebook? Professor Stilinski-Hale looked so hot!" 

"He did, but did you see the girls he was dancing with? Shit, man. That is literally what helped me confirm the fact that I am totally not straight."

_Oh dear God, not another one._

As he headed for the coffee shop, Peter pulled his phone out to warn Stiles but found a text already waiting.

From: **Stiles <3**

**we hve a BIG PROBLEM**

* * *

 

From: **Pete <333**

**Oh trust me, I know.**

Stiles sighed and dropped his head onto his desk with a muted thud. He was going to murder Erica and he would totally get away with it too, especially if he could talk Peter and his dad into helping him hide the body.

He heard the door to his office open and spoke into the stack of papers that he had to grade by the end of the week.

"Unless you're about to supply me with caffeine or you're failing my class, get the hell out." He was so tired of students coming to him during office hours to talk about the _damn video._

"Well, thank God I thought ahead and grabbed your usual, it would have been shameful to get kicked out of my own husbands office." Peter's voice was gentle and held none of the usual snark, which most likely meant that the new video going around wasn't a tame one.

_Shit._

Stiles lifted his head off his desk but he couldn't be bothered to remove the paper stuck to his face, the better to hide his shame. The broken air conditioner was a perk right then, as the thin layer of sweat on his forehead is kept the assignment firmly in place. Peter obviously didn't feel the same because he set the coffee down and peeled the page away from his face. 

"So, how bad it is? Should I just go resign now, save them the trouble of having to fire me?" He sounded pitiful even to his own ears and he closed his eyes.

Peter nudged Stiles' coffee closer to him and waited until he had picked it up and taken a sip before talking again.

"Personally, I don't think it's that bad-" Oh God, Stiles could tell there was a but coming.

"But the Board of Deans might not find that to be the case." Peter never normally danced around the subject like he was then and it kind of made Stiles want to strangle him.

He motioned aggressively in a _go on_ gesture.

Peter didn't speak again, just circled around the desk and opened the internet browser on Stiles' laptop. After clicking on the YouTube shortcut, his husband started typing.

'The Wolf Pack - the unholy trinity takes it off'

"Oh God, please tell me you're joking." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Peter shook his head, Stiles felt like crying, and he almost did just that when the video started playing.

_The stage was dark, lights obviously turned off, but movement could be seen due to several glow sticks being held by the trio onstage. The lights stayed down as Stiles began singing the opening of the song._

_"There's a place downtown,_  
_Where the freaks all come around_  
_It's a hole in the wall, it's a dirty free for all"_

_Suddenly, as the beat dropped, the eerie blue glow of black lights lit up the stage and revealed Stiles, Lydia, and Erica dressed in white button up shirts and very small shorts. Their chests were popping to the heavy beat, and there was a wolf whistle from the audience and a couple of cat calls._

_Erica began singing in a deep, seductive tone a moment later._

_"When the dark_  
_Of the night comes around._  
_That's the time,_  
_That the animal comes alive._  
_Looking for_  
_Something wild."_

_Lydia took over the singing and the three of them began swaying their hips while facing the right wall._

_"And now we lookin' like pimps_  
_In my gold Trans-Am._  
_Got a water bottle full of whiskey_  
_In my handbag._  
_Got my drunk text on_  
_I'll regret it in the mornin'_  
_But tonight_  
_I don't give a_  
_I don't give a_  
_I don't give a"_

_On each repetition of 'I don't give a', one of them turned to face forward until they could all look at their friends and started rolling their hips. This time all three of them began singing._

_"There's a place downtown,_  
_Where the freaks all come around._  
_It's a hole in the wall._  
_It's a dirty free for all._

_And they turn me on.  
When they Take It Off."_

_Erica ripped open the front of her shirt to reveal a neon green bra and a dramatic, flaring design painted over her chest an stomach in different hues of UV reactive paint._

_"When they Take It Off."_

_Stiles followed Erica's example and did the same thing to his own shirt, the pattern painted on his torso was different, spirals and vine like strokes in a vibrant blue crawled from the left side of his chest down to his right hip._

_"Everybody Take It Off."_

_Finally, Lydia popped her top open. It was a hell of a lot more delicate than what Stiles and Erica had done, but the effect was basically the same. Her pink bra was exposed and the yellow paint that sprawled up her right side and across he neck and chest resembled barren tree branches._

_The three of them continued to sing as they switched back to popping their chests._

_"There's a place I know_  
_If you're looking for a show._  
_Where they go hardcore_  
_And there's glitter on the floor._

_And they turn me on.  
When they Take It Off."_

_Erica slid her shirt off her shoulders and tossed it into the crowd to another round of whistling-_

Stiles smacked the space bar, a little harder than necessary, and paused the video.

_Holy shit, this is bad._

"Yes, it is. I lied before." Peter responded, and apparently he had said that out loud.

"Fuck, Peter. What are we going to do?" His voice was strained, kind of like he was choking, and he couldn't drag his eyes away from the laptop screen.

"I have no idea, Stiles. I have no idea." Peter sounded just as worried as he did, and that was not comforting in any way.

He was absolutely fucked.

 _At least things couldn't possibly get worse._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't at all how viral content actually happens and Stanford doesn't actually offer folklore courses but, you know, it's my fic and I'm gonna do what I fucking like because this is Jay's selfish time.
> 
> I love and appreciate everyone of you who has read, commented, given kudos, and/or subscribed. I do this for you.
> 
> Also, I am never writing another chapter this long again. I almost died trying to finish this.


	4. the unholy trinity: part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> I changed practically everything in this chapter and mashed the second and third part together. Oops?
> 
> At least you all have an extra long update to keep you happy while I suffer through this writers block.
> 
> If this sucks, I blame the fact that I'm currently pounding back cups of coffee like they're shots and stuffing my mouth with saltines.
> 
> Also, there's no music in this one.. Probably not in the next chapter either, because this fic someone got serious.

Things definitely got worse.

It started when several faculty members stopped him to talk about the _damn video,_ students who pointed as him and whispered as he made his way to his jeep, the incessant pinging of notifications on his phone while he drove, and ended with the figurative slap to the face he got when he finally did get home and checked his cell to see what was getting everyone so worked up.

The first thing that Stiles saw was the group text from Scott, Laura, Derek, and Cora from around noon.

 **From:** Beam me up Scotty

**stiles!!**

**dude! it's so cool that that news article is basically just about you!!**

**From:** Scary Hale

**Umm, details? Now?**

**Actually Scott, just link me!**

**From:** Grumpy McEyebrows Hale

**oh god what did he and uncle peter do now?**

**From:** The Littlest Hale

**I bet they got stuck somewhere while they were screwing and had to be freed by the fire department.**

**From:** Beam me up Scotty

**no!! gross cora!!!!**

**but heres the link laur**

**viralnova.com/unholy-trinity**

Stiles ignored the rest of the messages and clicked the link, anxiety pooling like tar in his chest.

When the page loaded, Stiles nearly choked at the article header but kept reading.

* * *

 

 _**'** _ _**The Wolf Pack Is Taking The Internet By Storm, But The Real Stars of The Channel Are The Unholy Trinity** _ _**'** _

_**YouTube is still the most popular place online to watch and post videos after decades, and sometimes you find hidden gems.**_

_One hidden gem is definitely the channel called 'The Wolf Pack'. Sadly, the creators of the account stopped posting roughly 10 years ago after two of them [Stiles Stilinski-Hale and Peter Stilinski-Hale, both professors at Stanford] got married and everyone started really focusing on their careers. The last video uploaded was actually very touching, it being the first dance between Mr.'s Stilinski-Hale at their wedding reception, but it's not one of the few currently going viral._

_At the start of this week they had a mere 5,000 subscribers and around 75,000 total views, but after Erica Reyes [one of the creators] shared a video from the channel to Stiles Stilinski-Hale's Facebook wall, their views nearly quadrupled thanks to students of both himself and his husband._

_The first video to rise at astounding speeds view wise was the fantastic, utterly amusing rendition the 'Unholy Trinity' [comprised of Erica Reyes, Lydia Martin, and Stiles Stilinski-Hale] did of the classic Nicki Minaj song Anaconda. In it, we see the true playful nature of these three friends come out while they twerk, shimmy their shoulders, and rap their little hearts out._

_Unfortunately, Stiles and Lydia were not available for comments._

_However, luck was apparently on our side, because Erica Reyes gave a short but enlightening interview regarding the stunning trio._

**_"How exactly did The Wolf Pack start?"_ **

**_"About 18 years ago, a massive group of us- probably around 14 people- went to the only karaoke bar in our home town for Stiles' birthday. Admittedly, we probably got a little too drunk, but our baby Stiles had just turned 21 and we were determined to test our liver function with him."_ **

**_"I bet you all had wicked hangovers the next day."_ **

**_"Oh definitely, but as I was saying, we got absolutely smashed and decided to sing the weirdest songs we could think of. Our designated drivers that night, Peter and Derek, took it upon themselves to record us as we made fools of ourselves in order to embarrass us when we sobered up. When we finally got to see the videos, they were amazingly entertaining and inspired several more visits to Blue Moon Karaoke._ ** **_Eventually, about three of four months after that first night, we decided they were too good to not share them with the world."_ **

**_"Oh, wow! Was there anything that really inspired the name of your channel?"_ **

**_"It was actually Talia Hale, Peter's older sister, who came up with the name. Sort of. She came with us one night, because she apparently got tired of Peter complaining that he could never join in properly while being the designated driver, and halfway through our allotted time, she told us that we sounded like a pack of wolves being choked to death. And thus, The Wolf Pack was born."_**

**_"Seriously?"_ **

**_"Yep! I'm pretty sure that she was mostly referring to Stiles, Scott, and Malia, though. I have a lovely singing voice."_ **

**_"That you do, Erica! Now, how exactly did you, Lydia, and Stiles all become friends? We're all dying to know."_ **

**_"We've actually known each other since 6th grade, but we didn't really get close until the summer before junior year. That was when my epilepsy started getting worse and the doctors kept bouncing me from medication to medication, I ended up having a seizure in the middle of a Macy's bathroom and that's where Lydia came into my life. For the first time ever around me, she was someone who knew exactly how to handle someone having a seizure. When I woke up she started asking me all these questions, like how long I had been having epileptic attacks, what medications I was taking for it, and if I had a specific cleanser that I used on my ache._ **

**_I couldn't really do anything but answer her and next thing I know she's calling an ambulance for me and offering to hang out with me once I was feeling better."_ **

**_"That's wild!"_ **

**_"I know! We did hang out once I got out of the hospital, and Lydia had all these medical studies printed out and helped me go through them with my parents. We eventually found an experimental drug that my doctors agreed could in fact lessen my seizures, and I was started on it a month later. At this point, junior year was about to start and Lydia took me out shopping for clothes that actually suited me instead of my usual sweatpants and baggy shirts. There was a lot of leather!"_ **

**_"Amazing. Is that around when Stiles Joined your little duo?"_ **

**_"Shockingly, no. Not right away at least, because I met Derek Hale first. He was a senior and genuinely one of the nicest guys that had gone to our school, he offered to tutor me in math because my constant leave for medical reasons had basically destroyed my grades in the previous years. After I accepted, he told me to drop by his house after school. That's were I met Scott McCall, Derek's cousin and Peter's nephew. Scott also happens to be Stiles' best friend, and has been since kindergarten."_ **

**_"Wait, does that mean that Peter and Stiles practically grew up together?"_ **

**_"Sure does! Now, going to the Hale house for tutoring every second day meant that I was constantly around Stiles, who practically lived there half the time. One day, for 'no particular reason', he started calling me Catwoman. To be honest, I think it was all the leather that I wore and he just didn't want to point out my monochromatic wardrobe. The next time I saw him, he was playing with the youngest Hale sibling, Cora, who was about 4 at the time. I watched Stiles carry her across the yard on his shoulders, shouting that he would protect her from the ground that had turned into lava. Just as I was walking into the house, I called out to him that he made a pretty good Batman. We've been friends since, it's a love that was born out of a mutual appreciation of comics._ **

**_To my shock, I found out that he and Lydia were already friends. I don't completely recalled how, but I believe it was something along the lines of his being the only one in our hometown who had and IQ almost as high as hers and she enjoyed intelligent conversation. We've been inseparable since."_ **

**_"Wow, that was a journey! One last question, okay?"_ **

**_"Go for it!"_ **

**_"Do you guys still party like you used to, or did you slow down once everyone hit a certain age?"_ **

**_"Oh God no, most of us barely drink, if at all anymore. The only two you can count on now to bring some serious drunken entertainment are Stiles and Peter. The rest of us don't really enjoy drinking anymore, especially not after 8 years of drunken karaoke adventures.."_ **

**_"So basically Peter and Stiles are just as wild as ever?"_ **

**_"Yeah, Peter and Stiles haven't changed at all in the past 10 years since quitting YouTube. They still act like they're on that stage back home, which is definitely wild for a 39 and 44 year old."_ **

**_"Sadly that's all the time we have for this interview. It was lovely talking to you Erica."_ **

**_"You too!"_ **

_From twerking and popping various body parts to serenading their significant others, the Unholy Trinity was made to entertain to public and we are thankful for that!_

_There you have it, the story behind the YouTube channel that became popular practically over night, how the Unholy Trinity came to be, and what Stiles and Peter, the star couple of the account, are really like! Leave a comment done below letting us know your opinion on the rising popularity of an inactive YouTube channel, or even just your favorite video of theirs!_

* * *

_Fucking Erica._

Stiles' phone started ringing while he was still glaring at the offending article and Erica's face smiled back at him. He couldn't help but answer it just to see if maybe she had a good reason for dragging him further into this mess.

"Stiles! Did you see it? How awesome is it that I got to do an interview on ViralNova?!" She was practically shrieking in the phone and Stiles had to pull it away from his ear just to make sure he didn't go partially deaf.

"Yeah, I saw it." He couldn't hide the anger in his voice, he was _pissed._

 "Stiles? What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy for me?" Erica sounded genuinely confused, and that just made him angrier.

"Normally I would be, but what you did was an invasion of privacy Erica. I get that you were there too but you could have at least asked Lydia and myself if that was something we were okay with, in fact that's what you _should_ have done. I'm already catching heat from my boss about the damn Anaconda video, so what do you think is going to happen when my students start spreading that article around, or the Board of Deans decides that I'm attracting the wrong type of attention to the university? You know as well as I do that there are several that border on indecent, most of which include Peter and myself. My students are starting to spread that god forsaken Take It Off video around now, so I think it might be for that best that we just take everything down while I still have some dignity left." He hadn't let Erica speak while he ranted, just spoke over her every time she tried, so he gave her a chance to respond while he caught his breath.

"No, Stiles. You're making this whole thing about _you_ , and that's not fair. This could be my chance to get noticed by some important people! If I finally start making music, I'll be able to support my future family." She sounded petulant and that just made Stiles tired. She was 40 years old and acting like a child.

"Whatever, Erica. If I lose my job it's on you, and then you can help me support _my family_  with your ever so lucrative singing career that's nothing more than a pipe dream." He hung up while Erica was speaking, didn't pay attention to anything she said.

_FUCK._

All he could think about was the fact that Peter had been granted tenure, but Stiles was still in his six year probationary period. He was going to lose his job.

Stiles checked the time on his phone, and was shocked to see it was only just past 6 pm. It had felt a lot later, but maybe that was just because he was emotionally exhausted.

He dropped his bag by the door and then slowly made his way up to the bedroom, going to sleep sounded great. It didn't matter that he hadn't eaten or that Peter wasn't home yet.

After he shoved his phone into the drawer of his bedside table, Stiles slowly stripped down to his boxer-briefs and crawled under the covers. He ended up shoving his head under his husbands pillow, trying to block out the sound of his phone going off again.

The battery would die eventually, seeing as he hadn't charged it all day, so he didn't worry about it annoying him too much.

He let the warm embrace of sleep take him, he needed the break.

* * *

Peter wasn't in bed when Stiles woke up the next morning, and he was tempted to go back to sleep because it was Saturday, but the smell of coffee slowly coaxed him from the depths of his blanket cocoon.

He stumbled down the stairs almost blindly, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes roughly. Thankfully, a cup was handed to him by Peter and he didn't have to worry about possibly spilling hot coffee all over the counter. It had happened before, and it had not felt good when the coffee had splashed off the counter and onto his his bare feet.

Stiles moaned his appreciation at the first sip, eyes still closed, but Peter was oddly quiet. He cracked open one eye to see his husband staring at him with a neutral expression, he had an already opened envelope in his hand. Stiles' heart started pounding and he swallowed a mouthful of coffee hard, nearly choking on it. That envelope could only be one of two things.

He wasn't even mad that Peter had opened it without him, just anxious. A cold sweat broke out over his body as he set down his cup and took the envelope when Peter held it out to his over the kitchen island.

Stiles couldn't help the tremble of his hands as he carefully pulled the letter out and unfolded it. He felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room as he started reading.

 

_**Dear Mr. and Mr. Stilinski-Hale,** _

_**It is with our deepest regret that we must inform you that on this day, November 30th, your request for adoption within the California Foster System has been denied.** _

_**Adoption is not always the right choice for families, and it has been determined that that is the case here.** _

_**Thank you for your patience regard the extended wait.** _

_**If you have any questions or complaints, please contact the social worker you were previously put into contact with.** _

_**Sincerely,** _

_**Silvia Knox** _

 

Stiles blinked hard, fighting the tears that burned in his eyes and clouded his vision.

"Did- did you already call them, find out why?" His voice sounded so hollow and far away, like he wasn't even in his own body anymore. Peter nodded and Stiles held his breath.

"They uh, they said that it was due to the fact that they felt we do not exhibit appropriate behavior, that our flamboyant displays of affection in public would most likely cause others to ostracize a child even more than having same-sex parents already would, and our 'excessive alcohol use' is not something that a child fresh out of a poor living situation should be around. According to them, our home is not a child-positive environment." Peter didn't sound any better than Stiles did and that almost broke him right then and there because if Peter sounded defeated, then things were unlikely to look up.

"Excessive alcohol use?" Peter gave him a look before he dropped his gaze to his own fingers which were fidgeting with another piece of mail, and suddenly it made sense.

_'The only two you can count on now to bring some serious drunken entertainment are Stiles and Peter.'_

_'Peter and Stiles haven't changed at all in the past 10 years since quitting YouTube. They still act like they're on that stage back home, which is definitely wild for a 39 and 44 year old.'_

_Fuck._

"The article" Stiles' stomach dropped. This was his fault, he knew it. Peter probably knew it too, judging by the way that he wasn't looking up from his hands.

If Erica hadn't done that damn interview though, things wouldn't be spiraling this far out of control, they wouldn't have lost what was most likely their only chance to adopt out of the foster system.

_Fuckfuckfuck_

It felt like his legs were about to give out, so he sat down heavily on one of the stools lining their island. Stiles' lungs were being crushed by bands of sorrow that wrapped tightly around his chest, his neck.

After being friends Isaac for so long, knowing how cruel some foster parents could be, they had wanted to do nothing more than give a child stuck in the system a good home. Surrogacy wasn't really something either of them wanted, especially considering the fact that they were starting to get older. 

Even if they managed to find a suitable surrogate right away, Peter and Stiles would be in their 50's by the time the kid hit puberty. 

They had already spent the past 5 years trying to be approved for adoption, and they were running out of time.

He finally let the tears fall and cried for what they couldn't have.

Ugly, heavy sobs ripped themselves free of his chest and Peter quickly moved across the kitchen, hugged him tightly from behind. Stiles felt the heat of his husbands tears as they dripped down his neck and soaked into his his skin.

Everything was just too much and, as immature and pitiful as it was, he wanted his dad.

Stiles must have said that out loud as he sobbed brokenly, because the next thing he knew, Peter was pulling away and started to pace as he made several phone calls.

He only caught fragmented bits of Peter's conversations, too overwhelmed to really focus on anything but blinking away the tears.

"-be gone for a little while-"

**Blink.**

"-plenty of sick days we can take-"

**Blink.**

"-devastated, this was a hard hit after everything that-"

**Blink.**

"-We'll be down there tonight, Noah-"

**Blink.**

"-Staying with the Sheriff, don't tell-"

**Blink.**

Suddenly Peter was in front of him, and Stiles couldn't remember him getting off the phone.

"Baby, I'm gonna go pack a couple of bags for us and grab you some clothes, okay? Then we can go home and see your dad." Peter's voice was a distant echo.

He nodded, cheeks still wet even though his eyes were dry.

When had he stopped crying?

Peter was back with two bags, and Stiles couldn't figure out how he had moved so quickly.

His husband gently helped him into a pair of sweatpants and a zip up hoodie before guiding him slowly to the door.

Stiles was thankful that he managed to walk to the car himself, didn't think he could have handled his neighbours seeing him being carried like a child.

It wasn't until he and Peter were in the car and 10 minutes into their trip that Stiles realized that he had left his phone in the drawer of his nightstand.

_Oh well, that's probably for the best._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry? Is sorry even enough after that? Does it help to know that I totally cried while writing the end?
> 
> Why can't I let my guys be happy?
> 
> CHAPTER 5 UPDATE: Chapter 5 is only half way planned, so it may take a couple of days to post it.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter and Tumblr: @scorchedpeter
> 
> This is my first Teen Wolf fic in two years, I stepped away from the fandom around then and haven't been back since. Logging into my accounts after that long was like coming home and I have barely stopped feeling happy since then. I'm glad that I'm still complete Steter trash after all this time, I love my boys and I hope you all enjoy this piece of self-indulgent garbage.


End file.
